Nirenjan’s Space

This year’s new features from Google…

• Custom Time - Allows you to send e-mail with timestamps in the past. Hmm… considering mail headers can be spoofed, not particularly unique.
• Wake Up Kit - Guaranteed to make you wake up on time. I think I prefer Clocky…
• Yogurt - Use as directed to find friends online. And all this time, I was thinking yogurt was something you ate…

I’ll leave this one up to Ferrari…

http://prabhukrish.net/2008/02/14/valentine-day-forward/

A really funny letter by John Cleese.

Courtesy Sudhir

I couldn’t resist this. Today when somebody from ICICI called me for a personal loan, I told them that I wanted a loan for Re. 1. The lady on the other end was flabbergasted to say the least.

Thanks Gautam.

Microsoft has been granted an exclusive contract to be the sole Engine Control Unit (ECU) supplier for F1 from 2008.

So we can expect to see the following things in 2008:

1. All cars would require to be fitted with a system board running 64 Intel Pentium 5 processors running at 6.4 GHz and having a minimum of 512 GB RAM per processor.
2. All cars would need to be retrofitted to include a generator inline with the engine shaft. The ECU power needs would require 99% of the engine output to drive the generator.
3. If any car stalls on the parade lap, it would cause the remaining cars also to stall. The race would then have to be postponed to the next decade while Microsoft determines the cause of the stall.
4. Turning the steering wheel by at least 0.0001% at speeds of more than 1 cm/h would cause the brake to be applied automatically.
5. Attempting to refuel the car while replacing the tyres would cause the fuel valve to close prematurely. The only solution would be to have separate pit stops for fuel and tyre changes.
6. Occasionally, entering the pit lane would cause the car to stop. The pit crew would have to push the car into the garage, remove the front wing and reattach it to restart the engine.
7. The safety car feature is implemented by sending a common signal to all cars. This signal would cause all cars to move at a speed of exactly 11.309734 km/h (3.14159 m/s for those curious/nutty enough to monitor speeds in m/s). The only way to remove the safety car feature is to move all cars to the starting grid in their current lap positions, stop the cars, remove the rear wing and reattach it.
8. Sensors placed on the car will detect possibility of collision and stop the car in the event the possibility exceeds 0.001%. The ECU will also emit a banshee scream, causing the cars (and spectators) in the hearing range of the scream to shut down (spectators collapse)
9. Cars fitted with less than the minimum specified hardware (refer point #1) will not run at speeds of more than 100 km/h due to slow processing

Meaning: The art of stretching a story so that it drags on for years…
Pronounciation: Obvious.
Usage: Fanaa is the application of the Kolangal Effect to a 3 minute synopsis.
Root: Kolangal is the leading (I think) megaserial in Tamil Nadu and the plot has been stretched for the past year, at the very least.
Note: Similiar expression - Stormtrooper Effect

A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.

“What is your name?” was the first thing she asked the new guy.

“John,” the new guy replied.

She scowled, “Look… I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

“I refer to my employees by their last name only … Smith, Jones, Baker …that’s all.

“I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”

The new guy sighed, “Darling………… My name is John Darling.”

“Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is …”

What do you do when you find yourself talking to a client and rapidly switching between an Indian and an American accent?

From an SMS:
Sister problemna Dheena paaru;
Family problemna Mugavari paaru;
Brother problemna Vaali paaru;
Selavillaama saaganuma Paramasivatha paaru

And vengeance from a Paramasivam bhaktan:
Sister problemna Thirupaatchi paaru;
Mother problemna Sivakasi paaru;
Brother problemna Bagavadhi paaru;
On the spot saaganuma Aathiya paaru

via e-mail

Why is it that I can accept any stunt, no matter how outrageous, when it is performed by Superstar, while I can’t even look at a stunt done by Ilaya Thalapathi?

What do you see on the signs where it is illegal to catch the Hutch commercial dog?

Ingai pug-ai pidikka koodathu

Baradwaj Rangan has an amazing way with words and the lines above are just an indication of that. Visit his site to see more side splitting lines like that.

Traditional Economics
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

Software Economics
Client has 2 cows and you need to milk them

1. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)

2. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)

3. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)

4. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)

5. Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)

6. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2

7. You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)

8. Redo step 4

9. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)

10. Make sure that cow milks properly (Testing)

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls

13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

18. Client is happy???

By this time both the cows aged and can’t milk. (The software got old. Get ready for next release! Repeat from step 1!!!)

Once upon a time, in a village, there came a lion & started troubling the villagers. Getting frustrated because of the lion, the people decided to take
some action. They decided that after 6:00 o’clock in the evening everybody will return home and lock the doors from inside. The trick worked. The lion came and found nothing. Next day also it came and saw the same thing everywhere! It happened for 2-3 nights. Then finally one day, the frustrated lion came and locked all the doors from outside and went back into the forest.

The title of the story?

Sherlock Homes

Three of man’s greatest quotes…

‘ - Single Quote
” - Double Quote
` - Back Quote

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. The car broke down.

The Mechanical Engineer said, “I think a rod broke. We can check the rods.”

The Chemical Engineer said, “The way it sputtered at the end, I don’t think it’s getting gas. We shall check the gas tank.”

The Electrical Engineer said, “I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system. We shall check the circuitry.”

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, “What do you think?”

The Computer Engineer said, “We shall get out of the car and get in again!”